2:02:00 AM

It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into the doing that matters.
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Had this urge to blog since i dont have anything much to do right now!
I'm suppose to take a shower but i'm feeling really lazy today.

School is starting soon and i'm not really in the study mood yet, I know.. when was my study mood ever up.
So, feeling kind of school sick but yet again, i prefer school than work !
Work is really suffering.. HATE work.
Its a pity life involve work to earn money, guess that's life huh!

Today i board a bus and asked the bus driver some questions.
He looked singaporean but when he spoke it was some china accent which i totally dont understand.
In the end, i didnt get any answer from him and i doubt he even understand english.
I just finds it so difficult to communicate with people who speaks chinese...
not that i dont understand chinese, i do! ( provided if the chinese isnt too deep. )
But its really fucked up that majority of singaporeans are speaking chinese.
I never once step into an environment where my colleagues speaks english thus i'm having difficulty making friends.

I have nothing against people who speaks chinese but i just hate the fact i cant communicate with them at all ...
It's like they are speaking some alien languages that i dont even know.
Dont bother asking me to brush up my chinese because i dislike speaking chinese myself.
I rather learn Spanish than Chinese, serious!
How i wish i'm born in a all english environment and life would be so much easier for me.

Every single time someone who speaks chinese approach me.
I would give that blur look ! Its either i didnt understand or i didnt know how to reply.
The feeling sucks really bad sometimes.
I thought singapore is suppose to be training up on our english so we can be compared to the western?
Time to brush up on english singaporean!

Okay , so this was one incident i faced today that bug me alittle.

Its so random that i'm blogging today..
I have pictures but i'm really lazy to upload them.

Have been on diet recently ... and its working well .
I'm really motivated after reading a blogger who is 166cm and her weigh was 41kg .
I was super motivated !
She's only 2-4cm shorter than me. I shouldnt weigh 50kg right?!
Thus, i decided to hit at least a 46kg.. or for worst to come 47kg!
right now, I have already decrease to 49kg.
Had been surviving on a packet of biscuit or a bottle of drink per day.
would chew on to some sweets if my gastric are killing me.
But its working well. ( I suppose i'm giving people who is on diet some good methods to use now!)
Boo! I hate sharing my secret methods to dieting and stuff . HAHA!

Anyway, I'm a girl who looks at her naked body infront of the mirror to see if there is any imperfection for hours.
If i start to feel fat, my mood gets really fucked up and i will even cry when i look at myself in the mirror sometimes.
I like seeing my ribcage and bones when i looked in the mirror as this makes me feel skinny.
I'm that kind of girl who would do whatever it takes to be skinny and slim.
Its not that i'm anorexic. I just want my figure to be perfect.

Right now ... i still feel fat.
I'm not satisfied with some parts of my body... but this stubborn fats cant seems to disappear.
Well, hopefully i will get rid of them soon.

I just had enough of people calling me fat or saying that i gained weight.
It just so disheartening and fucked up.
I use to have that " Fine, i dont care. Its my body."
But i've come to realise it doesnt work,
we're bound to be affected by what's people view on us, they affects deeply on our confidence level.
and when you know your friends find you fat, despite whatever nice outfit you wear it just brings you down because you know your friends just gonna think you are FAT.
So well, I start my heavy diet and successfully slim down from 56kg -49kg and i maintain there.
That's when people's view on me change.
I mean , you can really see that dramatic change.
Everywhere i go, people would be saying " You slim down!!"
and it pleases me A LOT.
From then , i decided that my weight and look matters more than anything!
There's no way i gonna gain weight and not do anything.

I'm not those kind of girl who do not care what people's view on them, I care.

stay tune (:

LOVES CAS ♥

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