4:23:00 AM

Random post, have yet to find time to do a proper blog post, sorry!

Currently using my blackberry to blog again, I'm suppose to be sleeping now but I'm feeing quite emotional now.
Decided to blog to get things out of my heart as I doubt anyone gonna care about this trouble in my heart.

I don't know if this is normal or I'm the only one with this mindset.
But I feel so disappointed with myself.. I'm feel like I'm such a useless daughter.
I'm already 18 years old yet I am still depending greatly on my parents..
Why can't I be like my parents ?!

My mum work for my grandfather since young, she is already supporting herself at the age of 21..
My dad had quite a sorrow childhood, he start working when he was only 10 years old. Please imagine that ?! Look at kids age of 10 nowadays ! Can they even leave the doorsteps themselves ?! NO .
But my dad has to support himself at the age of 10.. Not easy but he did it.
and when he started dating my mum, he need money to bring my mum out..
He's monthly income was only about $20 yet he manage to bring my mum out and still support his father (my grandfather.)
Soon he pick up chicken rice and he climb up slowly till he reach the day he is now.
Such an awesome person !! :)

Now, look at me?! I'm 18, I can't even work. I complain when I work. I fall sick and quit after 9 days.
I can't even support myself. I feel so ashamed.
I won't be able to be independent until at least the age of 23 years old.
Sometimes looking at my parents, my heartache. They should be retiring now, they should be exploring the world, enjoying their life after so many years of hardship.
Yet, because of me..they work.
Trust me, if I'm not depending on them now. They could have retired and live a peaceful and wonderful stress free life by now
but no. My mum said before, she is afraid I wouldn't have that $$$ to go to the country I want to take up a course of my dream because it isn't going to be cheap. Thus she working and hoping she could help me alittle in future.

Its really heartbreaking to hear that. I don't want that to happen. I don't want them to work so hard just for me, its wrong. I'm old enough to support myself.
I'm just lazy to take up a part time job during school.
I wanna enjoy life.. That's why I said, I feel I'm a useless daughter :(
Comparing to my parents, I'm useless.
Even my lil brother is starting to support himself and he is only 17 !
What am I doing ? What am I thinking ? Why am I like that?
I have to make a change and stop giving reason to enjoy my life..
This is so wrong.

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