Heartbreak

2:13:00 PM

I never thought I'll be going through this phase of break ups again. After the dreadful saga of my first relationship, I set up all the rules with only one motive in mind, which is to protect my heart from any heartbreaks.

I've always follow my little set of "rules" and despite the little break ups here and there, it was never anything too major.

Until I met him.

By hook or crook, I bended my "rules" for him unknowingly. The wall I built slowly became non existence when he is around. I became fragile and dependent. I became the old me.

I am so angry at myself now. I am pissed that I still miss him so dearly even after all that have happened. That like the old me who was so persistent despite all the signs of red flag, still wanna carry on and work things out.

No one can understand what I am going through now because even I don't. I fell hard this time, probably harder than my first since then I didn't really know much about love/relationship.  Now its different and my emotions have definitely changed overtime.

That ache in my heart, so painful that every bones in my body hurts as well. When flashback of us flashes across my mind, the overwhelming sadness start gushing into my heart. When every slightest words or actions can trigger my tearduct..

I do not blame him for whatever that happened because he is a good guy (unlike my first), he was an awesome boyfriend. But I guess the increasing problems in our rs finally reached its limit. What upsets me is.... I always believe that a couple should stay together and work things out.. no one should give up on each other. Apparently,  he thinks otherwise.

And finally, I chose to accept his decision.
Now all I'm left with, is to go through with it.

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